We had the pleasure of talking with Elaine who, along with her siblings, has spent the last decade finding and keeping up care for her mother, Annette. Each step along this journey in ensuring the best quality of life for our loved ones, is full of challenges, commitment, and empathy. Through this experience Elaine provides valuable tips to help others ensure their aging parents receive the best care and support during this stage of life.
Since her husband died of cancer in 2008, Annette has been on her own but stayed active through her vibrant social life. It wasn’t until a few falls that she was forced to slow down and agreed it was time for help. Elaine and her siblings all live outside of Tallahassee which made it challenging when finding care for their mother. Annette didn’t want to move in with her kids and leave behind her strong social network so the best solution was moving to an assisted living facility in town. The facility turned out to have lots going on and Annette was able to keep up her lifestyle with the extra help from the staff.
But after some time passed and during 2020, the facility lost its flow and services declined. Annette had another big fall along with mini strokes, the loss of mobility, and the onset of dementia. More care was now needed. Elaine and her siblings hired caregivers to help out part time, then eventually full 24/7 care. Synergy was at that time, newly opened and the only place that could comply with weekend help. Elaine’s family has now worked with Synergy from their first month in business and have worked together to form the best team to care for their mom.
From Elaine’s experience, one sure way to find great care is to carefully vet potential caregivers. Make sure that they have the proper qualifications, experience, and training to meet your parents’ specific needs. Some of the traits Elaine looks for is someone who is kind, gentle, confident, and experienced. Elaine said her mom can sense when a caregiver is hesitant or unsure when moving her, so she freezes up and becomes dead weight to communicate her uncomfortableness. Elaine says, “it’s important to find someone who wants to get to know your loved one and their specific needs”.
Educate the care professional on the things your loved one needs to feel comfortable. For example, In Annette’s case, she is passionate about music as she used to sing in her church’s choir. Annette also needs a caregiver who will stay engaged and present with her. She is 103 years old and is limited in communication but still listens and reacts positively when talked to with intelligence and respect.
Besides finding the right care professional team, Elaine recommends to start getting your parents, as well as yourself, prepared for care way before you need it. When choosing care, think about the long-term needs of your aging parents. Consider how their care requirements may change over time, and select a solution that can adapt to these evolving needs. Understand the financial implications of the chosen care option. Compare costs, explore insurance coverage, and research government assistance programs or grants that can help offset expenses. Some families have their loved ones move in with them to save on the cost of care, but this can be challenging on the adult child and their families. It’s a good idea to think of all these different scenarios and solutions to be best prepared for when care is needed.
Finding care for your aging parents is a significant responsibility, and it’s essential to approach it with care and consideration. It involves teamwork with the caregiver, agency, and your loved one. It truly takes a village and it’s important to ask for and accept help during this journey. In Elaine’s words, “Always be thankful, respectful, and prepared for changes and gaps in service. Like with every stage in life, stick with it and never give up!”.
