As a franchise owner, Ron Schulman’s SYNERGY HomeCare company had been open only a short time when a geriatric care manager referred Mr. and Mrs. Z to Ron. The couple had planned to stay in their home as they aged and had made the appropriate arrangements with a financial advisor and a power of attorney, as they had no children or close relatives.
At the time, Mr. Z had advanced Alzheimer’s. He had just returned from a rehab facility and Mrs. Z was overwhelmed and needed some assistance in caring for him, so Ron worked with Mrs. Z to set up a care plan and match appropriate caregivers to the
couple.
About a year later, Mrs. Z began to develop dementia herself and she needed even more help, so Ron scheduled care around the clock.
Mr. Z was soon put on hospice and passed in his sleep, with Mrs. Z by his side. Ron and his caregivers were there as well. He alerted the healthcare power of attorney and the geriatric care manager and then called the coroner. Two hours later, Mrs. Z was in the kitchen, preparing her husband’s breakfast. She had forgotten that he had passed. Ron told her gently that Mr. Z had passed peacefully in his sleep.
Later, Ron brought in lunch for the extended care team that had assembled. As they gathered at the table, Mrs. Z began to make a plate for her husband. Ron sat next to her, locked eyes with her and told her she needed to say goodbye. He then brought her into her husband’s room.
“For a brief moment, Mrs. Z was the most present she had been in the last two years,” recalled Ron. “She held his hand and told him he had done a good job and had made a good life. She kissed him goodbye. But an hour later she didn’t have any recollection of that moment.”
Later that night, the evening caregiver called Ron and said that Mrs. Z was very agitated and was demanding to go home. Of course, she was already home, but the events of the day had disoriented her. Ron rushed to the house and told her he would take her home, adapting to her current reality. They drove around the neighborhood for a while and then Ron asked her for directions. Mrs. Z proceeded to guide them home. He walked her into the house and made her a sandwich for dinner. Mrs. Z told Ron her husband was away on business and would be back in a few days. Because of her advancing dementia, she was unable to retain the fact that her husband had died.
“That was her story, so we met her where she was and made it our story as well,” explained Ron. “I contacted everyone who was involved in her care, from my company to her extended team of advisors, and told them that anytime Mrs. Z asked where her husband was, we would say he was away on business and would be back in a few days.”
“Over time, we became her family,” said Ron. “She became like my aunt. This is one of the more fulfilling relationships I’ve been able to create in my life, even though I’m not sure she remembers my name – she calls me “Chief.” She trusts me and her trust in me extends to her caregivers, who she knows I have picked for her.”
“It is a great joy to ‘go to work’ with Mrs. Z,” remarked Mary, one of Mrs. Z’s caregivers. “I love our conversations as well as the times we just sit together in silence. I love her appreciation of nature, and how grateful she is when I take care of the birds that visit
her yard.”
Helen, another member of Mrs. Z’s care team, loves sharing stories with Mrs. Z, especially at mealtime. “Mrs. Z herself is a great storyteller, she will engage you with her expressions and calming voice,” said Helen. “I can picture the places as she carries me fondly down memory lane.”
Mrs. Z may not remember her own birthday, but her care team does and brings her favorite ice cream cake to celebrate.
And every day, Ron and his team remember and honor Mr. and Mrs. Z’s wish to age in place. It is a big responsibility, but it’s a pleasure for them to keep the promise they made for as long as they need to.
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For more information on caring for a loved one with dementia, download SYNERGY HomeCare’s free Memory Care Guide.
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